Watch of the Day - March 6th

Today's Watch is the Boliva Hollow Man

Dear fans, after a brief bout with radical phalanges decomposition disorder, I have regained the use of my hands and will now be able to once again provide updates on the fascinating and dangerous history of Dan's watches. I apologize for the service interupption.

 
Description: The Boliva Hollow Man is a testament to openness. It is the watch version of wearing one's heart on one's sleeve. It is the proverbial 'open book' of watches. Featuring striking lines and sharp features, the Hollow Man would be an exceptional timepiece even without the open face and back that let you gaze upon the inner workings of the watch.

Yes, you read that right - the Hollow Man allows you to see past the metallic face and fancy widgets and into the heart of darkness itself - into the place where time is stored. Gaze upon the void, ye watchbearer, and see the rich abyss within.

History: This particular timepiece is incredibly rare in that only one was ever constructed. It is a unique device merely disguised as a watch, for within the gears and slipgnats and hobsnares lies the true depths of darkness itself. Designed originally by a man who was close friends with gothic horror author H.P. Lovecraft, the Hollow Man was originally meant to be a gift for the acclaimed writer. Upon completion of the device, however, the friend found himself so enamored with the inner workings of the watch that he changed his mind and kept it for himself.

Legend says he died holding the watch, staring deep into the abyss within, refusing to eat, sleep, or even drink water. He died without saying a word, only holding the watch in one hand, gently stroking the face with the other, and peering ever into the exposed workings.

Dan's Story: Dan obtained this watch while serving as a radio technician during the Korean war. While trudging across acres of dense, muddy woods, he spotted something shiny in the dirt nearby. He pulled the watch from the earth, and attached to it was the disfigured body of a woman, forever perched in a position where she could stare at the face. He pried the watch from her wrist, looked at it, said 'oh neat you can see the gears', pocketed it, and the rest is history.

Watch of the Day - February 8th

Today's Watch is the Invicta Sea Hunter

Description: The Invicta Sea Hunter is no ordinary time piece. Constructed primarily of kevlar (well-known for its bullet proof properties) and hand-folded steel, this beastly watch can withstand any amount of wear and tear, and there is at least one documented case of a man's life being saved by this watch (a bullet, fired at the man's heart, was shot out of the air by the Sea Hunter's built in bullet-seeking defense missiles). What is most unusual about this particular watch, however, is the unnerving way that the wrong numbers have been called out on the face. Most watches show 12, 3, 6, and 9 - but not the Sea Hunter. Nope, the Sea Hunter chooses instead to throw all caution to the wind and show 10, 2, 4, and 8 (in addition to 12 and 6) in a blatant anti-odd-number move that has made waves in the watch industry.

Also of note is the built in timer, stopwatch, and enormous manly crown that, when twisted, plays a music box version of Enter Sandman by Metallica.

History: In the mid-2000s, Discovery Channel's world-famous Shark Week programming scheme had reached an unprecedented level of popularity. Quick on the draw, Invicta created a series of watches dubbed the Sea Hunter, featuring a ferocious red shark emblem, to capitalize on this craze. The result was unanimously positive - over a hundred of the watches were sold in the following year.

This particular version of the Sea Hunter, known as the Sea Hunter - Blood for Blood Edition, has a slightly sadder tale. The creator of the Sea Hunter line, the ironically named Charles Sharkmunchie had gone diving to do research on the beasts he was basing his newest watch on, when he was run over by a speedboat and killed instantly. This final watch was produced as a way to avenge his death, though nobody is really sure how releasing a watch is vengeance at all.

Dan's Story: As has been previously mentioned on this blog, Dan is a rather skilled individual with a particular history of diving. He has owned no less than thirteen different Sea Hunter watches, though never for diving or sports-related purpose. In fact, he has been quoted saying that the Sea Hunter is his 'casual watch' - "the slim features and unassuming style of this particular watch makes it great for everyday wear. When you want to make an impression, wear a Wrathbeast - if you don't want to be a nihilistic jerk, wear a simple, elegant Sea Hunter." 

Well said, Dan. Well said.

Watch of the Day - February 7th

Today's Watch is the Lassale Lupine Lament

Description: 'More than meets the eye' is the phrase that best describes this watch. What at first glance appears to be a simple timepiece with admittedly nice features and a low-key profile is actually a failsafe device that protects the Unawakened from the darkness that dwells within.

Featuring a faux leather strap (harvested from the extremely rare Blue Faux Lizard of eastern Mongolia), sharp gold frame, eggshell face and smartly-designed thin metal hands, the Lupine Lament is a classy watch with excessive style.

History: London, England - the 1820s. The sky is dark with the smog of the industrial revolution. Towering smokestacks reach into the greasy-black night sky. Uneven cobblestone streets are smoothed over by the filthy shoes of the working class. And among it all stalks the Werewolf, a beast of unimaginable ferocity whose taste for blood knows no bounds.

Enter the Lassale Lupine Lament. This watch is a product of necessity - a savior in a time of darkness. Hundreds of werewolves skulked the streets of London by night, and there was no way to cull the population - in fact, there were more of the beasts being created every evening.

Lassale - that is, the man, not the manufacturer - was then a well-known oddity hunter (vampires, werewolves, and mothers-in-law being his most common marks). In the breadth of but a single, moonless night he created the Lupine Lament - a watch imbued with the power to repress the werewolf gene (Lassale was a bit of a progressive - most folks at the time simply believed lycanthropy to be a choice, not a genetic feature). Wearers of this watch will not turn when the full moon rises.

Dan's Story: In his much younger days, Dan was an aspiring monster hunter of some note in the southern US. It is well known that the voodoo is common in the southeastern US, but werewolves and wererats are also rather common in those states in the late 70's and early 80's. Dan Porter once teamed up with famed monster hunter Van Helsing (who of course had mastered time travel by this point in his life) to hunt down and eradicate a particularly nasty coven of vampires outside of New Orleans.

Before busting down the proverbial door (this particular coven having settled in a crumbling castle ruin [as you well know, the moors of southern Louisiana are littered with ancient keeps and castles]), Van Helsing gifted to Dan this watch to protect him from the bite of a werewolf (again, it's well known but worth stating that vampires often employ whole litters of werewolves to protect their domains - it wasn't until 2005 that werewolves and vampires started hating each other).

The clearing was a somber success, Van Helsing having been immediately devoured by Rhinobats (just picture it) during the battle against the vampires. Dan vanquished the beasts and kept the watch as a reminder of his time and in remembrance of the late Van Helsing.

Watch of the Day - February 6th

Today's Watch is the Tag Heuer Luminosity Senior

(apologies in advance for the terrible image quality - for reasons that will become evident as you read today's entry, the Luminosity Senior is an extremely difficult watch to photograph).

Description: The Tag Heuer Luminosity Senior is a one-of-a-kind dive watch; only 100,000 were ever produced. From the graphite gray face to the striking gold bezel, crown, and links, the Luminosity Senior simply oozes extravagance and class.

The Luminosity Senior features sharp lines and fine details that other watches simply cannot reproduce. But the real beauty and power of this watch lies inside. Where most watches feature finely-tuned mechanics, this fine piece of jewelry features only a hallow cavity filled with the Blood of Heroes, a rare and exquisite substance found only in the deepest, most dangerous parts of the Eastern Plague Lands.

History: The Luminosity Senior itself was designed in a time of excess - the early '80s. Importantly, the dive watch market was enjoying a boom in business that has yet to be matched in years since. With hundreds or even thousands of different dive watches on the market, the ball was in Tag Heuer's court to make something truly unique and legendary in order to dominate the dive watch market.

After only twenty days in R&D, the Luminosity Senior was created. Featuring a dive timer powered by the Blood of Heroes, a full micro-sized SCUBA kit, and a hidden harpoon gun, the Luminosity Senior (so named for its 1 billion candlepower diving lamp, built into the crown) was the crem de la crem of the dive watch market. Mission accomplished.

During this time, Dan was working for the CIA as an undercover FBI agent who was posing as a dive instructor equipped with this very watch. Unfortunately, no simple dive instructor could afford the multi-hundred dollar Luminostity Senior, and Dan's cover was blown within 24 hours of beginning the sting operation. Dan was relieved, but was allowed to keep the watch as a souvenir.

Also, the picture is bad because screw you guys the iPhone camera isn't all that great.

Watch of the Day - February 5th

Today's Watch is a Raymond Weil Wrathbeast

Description: The Wrathbeast is a man's watch for a man's man. Featuring a complex silver face with beveled intonations and a heart of gold, to gaze upon this watch is to gaze upon masculinity itself. With a simple yet decidedly beefcake band of folded skymetal steel alternating with rich gold, anyone who wears this watch is granted a constant +2 bonus to both strength and charisma.

Interestingly, each unerringly masculine Wrathbeast is hand-crafted by a single elderly woman, who imbues the watch with concentrated machismo. Nobody knows where she gets the masculinity from, and nobody dares ask her.

History: Such a watch deserves, nay demands a rich history, but sadly Dr. Porter's Wrathbeast has a decidedly bland tale to tell. At a neighborhood flea market in 1920s San Francisco, this particular watch was pawned by a local businessman for eleven dollars (a small fortune in the 1920s, as you well know). It stayed with the gypsy woman who purchased it for over sixty years, until a young Dan discovered it in a shop owned by the gypsy's son.

Dan traded the gypsy exactly eleven dollars for the watch - while the gypsy was a keen seer and excellent medium into the spirit realm, she had no concept of the idea of inflation or even a basic understanding of business and thus had never raised the price of the watch.

The Wrathbeast remains one of Dan Porter's most premiere watches, and stands tall as perhaps his easiest, and cheapest, procurement to date.

Watch of the Day - February 4th

Today's Watch is the Raymond Weil Gentleman's Reply

Description: The Gentleman's Reply is one of the earliest watches designed by the now area-famous Raymond Weil. This fine watch features a solid gold bezel, a handsome black strap, and hand-stamped roman numerals for each hour. This modern watch also features a date counter, precision hour and minute hands, and a rudimentary GPS.

The bezel and lugs are a single piece of solid gold, hand-smelted by an Irish blacksmith. The unassuming black strap is in fact cut from black dragonhide, tanned and cured by a blind watch strap maker in an unnamed town in southern England.

History: Dan obtained this watch during one of his many tomb raids in South America. It is a little-known fact that many ancient South American tribal chieftains of various descent would collect timepieces, believing that watches were storage containers for the very fabric of time itself. While plundering the riches of an ancient burial chamber, the intrepid Dan Porter stumbled upon the Raymond Weil Gentleman's Reply, which was strapped to a long-dead tribesman whose identity has been lost to the annals of time.

Upon return from his journey, Dan found the watch stuffed in his sack of riches and became rather transfixed by both the fine design and elegant features. It is said that Dan was wearing this watch when he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2001. The Raymond Weil Gentleman's Reply remains one of Mr. Porter's premiere timepieces to this day.